Getting Food Posioning is the Best Diet Ever

Ok, I haven't updated since my first entry for a variety of reasons, chief among them is just plain laziness--which isn't a great start to this process. I've actually managed to keep my head above water these last two weeks, which is sort of an accomplishment given that it's the holidays and even skinny people are given a free pass to gain a few without too much grief this time of year. This year was the first year that I hosted Christmas dinner at my house. I love cooking (kind of duh since I'm fat) so it wasn't that much of a chore. I was trying to keep the tasting to a minimum while I was cooking and didn't eat that much during the dinner since my grandmother (who has been counting my caloric intake since I started eating solid food) was watching my plate like an eagle. Of course, this being the Midwest, everything I made contained at least a stick of butter a half cup of sugar. Side note: I know I should have made some substitutions to my ingredients to benefit the health of everyone eating ,but honestly, fuck that. I wanted everyone to be impressed with my cooking and I wasn't about to risk my reputation by substituting applesauce for butter or whatever lame tricks they try and teach you at Weight Watchers. So after everything was said and done, I figured I would probably gain a pound or two. But I was wrong about that because the very next day I came down with a horrible stomach sickness. Let me tell you, there's nothing more worrying than spending an entire day on the toilet right after cooking a large meal for lots of people. Fortunately, I was the only person who got sick and I have no idea what I did to get dysentery, the likes of which I have not seen since coming back from vacation in Puerto Vallarta. Anyway, I ended up losing like 3 pounds, so yay. I'm hoping to get back on track starting tomorrow and lose some weight without the help of a parasite.

So it Begins, the Great Battle of our Time

Here I go again on another attempt to lose weight. Since the one and only time I have ever been successful at it (successful being a relative term since I'm back where I started) involved detailed documentation of my struggles, I'm creating this blog. I'm not going to lie, my motivation is pretty low now. The winter has made me want to curl up on the couch and do nothing but watch VH1 reality shows and binge on the entire contents of my kitchen. But the journal is a first step, because if nothing else, I'm on the computer now instead of eating an entire bag of microwave popcorn or something. I'm going to start slow this time, with my first goal being to work out at least 3 times before Sunday. I know that I need to kickstart the exercise first, because that's usually the only way I can motivate myself not to eat like crap.

I'm almost 30, and although I'm not going to act like a douche and pretend that's old, I would like to know what "having the body of a 20 something" is like at least once in my life.